So we went on a trail ride yesterday. Perry's always really good about these things. He's older and mellow, nothing really phases him, hum-de-hum. Everything was going wonderfully according to plan when Kelly took a detour up a little hill. The one problem with Perry is he's always got to be right on the ass of the horse in front of him, so ho took off after Jack.

Har-de-har.

Turns out Kelly's little hill went nowhere but to a steep little trail back down. On a little square dirt platform. With nothing but a wall to the right, the little trail in front, and a steep cliff to the left. Both horses were bouncing around and knocking in to each other and basically elevating my blood pressure to astronomical levels. I managed to get Perry to stand still long enough for Kelly to manuever Jack down the trail and back in to the river bed, and seeing him do it so easily gave my confidence a boost of "Okay, no problem."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Wrong. Wronggity wrong wrong wrong.

Perry apparently had an ENTIRELY different idea. Involving DEATH.

We were on the right side of the trail, by the rock wall. I nudgd Perry forward toward the trail trying to stay calm when WHOOSH he jumps. Over the trail.

At this point my face is like 0.0; !!! "NOT COOL NOT COOL."

Does Perry genius stop there? NOOOO. He keeps going. Like the song says Bat Out of Hell he just kept going full steam right toward the cliff. For half a second I thought, "No, he'll stop. He'll stop." WRONG. NEVER LISTEN TO THAT VOICE.

In my head I'm going "Whatahell whatahell hoh shit hoh shit hoh shit NOT COOL :@%$#&!!! phlibble!" but all that came out of my mouth was "You dipshit!" well, that and this sound: like that a chicken being trodden on. SQRUAWK. So so bad. If I wasn't bothered by the thought of my sudden and impending mutilation, possibly death, I would have laughed.
At this point we're right at the edge of the cliff. I have the train of thought in check long enough to pull Perry's face around, back toward the trail. But of course, he jumps back over it to the other side. Good enough, considering at this point my face looks something like @///o!!!!!!!!!! you know that classic cartoon moment with the cat, dog, and bald man? Dog barks at cat, cat (angry and fuzzed) jumps up and sinks anchor of all four feet in to the top of the bald man's head? I was like that cat. Paniced and wide eyed with my nails digging in to the leather of the saddle. Going pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant-pant. Except it was a lot faster so it sounded like p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p.

I'm quite sure it was the most exciting thing to happen to me this week.